Australia day in Melbourne

Afternoon promenade with old friends

I’d plan to be back in Melbourne for Australia day in hopes of going to a Barbie and seeing how the Aussies celebrate their holidays. I’d called up a friend, that stood me up the week prior, who is living in Melbourne on a work holiday visa. She said she would gladly meet up with me for a tour around the city. I met her in the weirdest way. I was traveling around Thailand last summer and when I’d been in Chiang Mai I found myself being followed by a very weird German guy. I don’t say that lightly, he was literally talking about killing people and weird shit. I went to a cafe down the street from my hostel and tried to make conversation with the girl sitting all alone. SHe ended up joining me and the German guy around Chiang Mai. I’d seen on Facebook that she was living in Melbourne and was once reminded how small the world really is. Travelers crossing paths on 2 continents within 6 months! Imagine the chances! Anyway! We walked to some of the art museums and around the royal botanic gardens in the afternoon. She invited me to a big barbeque and party near St.Kilda. 40$ for a barbque sounded like a nope to me, but I told her that I’d come drink with her by the beach and possibly see the penguins later that evening. I called up the Italian guy I’d met in Tassie along with one guy from Madrid (where I’ll be living later this year) that I’d  met in a bar my 1st night in Melbourne. 



My friend and I had gone to a liquor shop to buy a large box of cheap wine, known in Australia as a goon.  The guy at the counter warned us to be careful because you feel no effects at first but before you even realise it, you’re down 4 glasses and you’re hammered. We hopped onto the tram, and I had to buy one of those cards because St.Kilda is out of the free tram zone. We discretely drank goon in the tram and watched outside as the people danced, screamed, and celebrated with drinks in their hands. Some of these people hopped on the tram and happened to be going to the same place we were. We followed the line of people off and towards the beach. The first thing I noticed was the very creepy “amusement park” with a wooden coaster. Half of me wanted to go in and see it, but we were on a mission to get our drink on.


Party at the beach!

We’d made it! It seemed like this beach is the place to be during the holiday because it was packed.


We found a little patch on the grass and I wished desperately that I’d worn ants instead of a dress. In front of me were half-naked women tanning and playing frisbee with their pets and having fun.20170126_184230

I was nearly tackled by topless woman wrestling in front of us. No one thought it was strange that her titties were out as she locked arms with another woman and sent her into the ground. Nudity for Americans is a very sensitive subject. We are not accepting of nakedness in public places, so seeing this really surprised me. I tried to ignore it and continued to drink my goon, which was carefully concealed in a plastic bag.20170126_163934

The police were calmly standing around the crowd, watching as we all openly drank alcohol, even though I’m pretty sure it’s against the law. They even joined in to play with the people around. The popular sport played by several groups is one I’d never heard of. It involved what looked like a cricket bat and a ball.

A few hours passed and I was left alone, my friend had gone to her BBQ and I’d stayed waiting for the guys I’d invited. Finally the Italian guy showed up and brought more alcohol, even though there was still plenty of goon. We’d chatted and he became highly inappropriate and tried lifting up my dress. Like, fuck no excuse me!? At that point I was already feeling like I’d wish my other two friends would come, and like an answered prayer they arrived.


We all sat down and they’d brought their own goon. Now we had 2 boxes of goon and bottled wine. Things could potentially go crazy with all this alcohol. As the sunset over the beach my friend that had gone to the BBQ came back saying that it was lame and a waste of money. She had invited us to a house party at her boytoys house to keep the party going. Me and the guys went to find food to sober up a bit and then headed to the tram. Here’s the weird part, the creepy Italian guy (who has a girlfriend might I add) asked if their would be girls at the house. Well, how should I know? We hopped in the tram and he just sat on the platform and watch the doors close without even saying goodbye. What an asshole! The guy from Spain and his friend had both looked at me and told them that it was clear that he was interested in getting laid and was being SUPER creepy. Maybe his pencil mustache should have been a warning.

Anyway, on the tram there was a woman who was clearly on drugs who kept laughing at copying me. She kept staring at me and shouting uninteligable words in my direction. I decided to start speaking in Spanish to my friend from Madrid just so she would stop copying me. That just made it worse! She started laughing and saying gibberish! Then she said I looked like a man and had ugly tits. It was making me highly uncomfortable and I just wanted to get the hell off that tram.

The house “party”

We’d walked around a dark ad empty neighborhood looking for the house. The guys I was with asked me if I was scared to be walking around here at night alone with two guys I’d only met once for 5 minutes. I told them no, not like I expect all men to be rapists or killers and they look like nice guys. They applauded my courage and we’d continue following the loud music.

Once in the house it seemed as though no one was even home until you went out back. Their idea of a party was sitting in lawn chairs smoking weed and being completely hammered. They were all sunburnt and looking really haggard and I regret agreeing in the first place. Just to be clear, I don’t like drugs and I don’t like being around them, even marijuana. The guys joined in and started smoking so I’d just went inside and to get away and talk to a very drunk man with a ponytail.

All in all I had a pretty excellent time celebrating Australia day and joining in on the festivities.


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